Sunday, September 30, 2012

Pumpkin Patch Paranoia

Pumpkin Patch Paranoia by hbmike2000
Pumpkin Patch Paranoia, a photo by hbmike2000 on Flickr.

Drunky McPumpkin stood in the middle of the patch he called home and shivered, knowing the Witch was out there somewhere. Clouds began to roll in as the midnight hour began and Drunky knew she was up there somewhere, flying around on her 2012 Ford Knobby Stick GTO Broom.

A cold breeze blew in from the west and the hairs on Drunky's stems stood up. He could feel the evil presence of the Witch. She was close.

The Witch had tried many times to get him and Drunky knew tonight, she would not stop till she succeeded. In the distance a cackle rolled across the silence.

She came out of nowhere, flying high, a speck across the moons face. She turned, swooped down and aimed for her target, Drunky McPumpkin.

Drunky looked up as the Witch flew by so close that he could see the details of her granny bloomers. He ran, screaming in terror. His long, spindly stalks moved as fast as they could across the pumpkin patch trying to find a place to hide. Drunky knew she was close but he was too terrified to look back.

With her breath on the back of his big orange head, Drunky tried to scream as he heard the words, 'Hey Baby, Your hot. Wanna go out and have some drinks??"

Drunky fainted, face planting into the ground.

View on black or the granny bloomers wearing Witch will fly by you too


Saturday, September 29, 2012

Oswald's Service Station 1937

I pulled up to the pumps at Oswald's Service Station in my 1937 Packard Coupe, rolled down the window and yelled 'Fill er up! I have to drive to 1927 and find out what happened to Oswald the Lucky Rabbit.'

It seems, Oswald was a year older than Mickey but why haven't we seen him around more? What was he hiding? Was he really a Hare in Rabbits clothing? I had to find out.

With my car filled up with gas, I hired a bunch of eight year olds to push me down Buena Vista Street. Once they got my Packard up to 88 mph, I poofed back to 1927. Yes, it was a poof, if it was anything else, Universal would sue me.

I found Disney speaking with some man from Universal Studios. He persuaded Disney to create a cartoon character for Universal. Oswald was born. Oswald became a big hit and Disney went back to Universal to negotiate a better contract. Turned down, Disney quit and left for home. On the train ride home, Disney's brain clicked on every cylinder and an idea became a reality. A mouse, soon to be named Mickey by his wife, inhaled it's first breath.

On my way back to 2012, I poofed to a stop in 2006. Bob Igor made a deal with Universal and got Oswald and the original 26 shorts created from 1927 and 1928 back home to Disney.

Once again, my car poofed and I was back in 2012. I found my story. Out of loss, came the biggest Icon in history. And lets face it, the mans a genius for creating a three foot mouse that we don't all run away from screaming

View on black or I'll poof you back to the dark ages


Friday, September 28, 2012

Slurp! Pardon Me

Slurp!  Pardon Me by hbmike2000
Slurp! Pardon Me, a photo by hbmike2000 on Flickr.

Behind the fence at Mater's Junkyard Jamboree, Mater and I sat and had some drinks. He slurped, belched and excused himself as we talked about old times together.

One Thanksgiving, the whole family sat around the dinner table. Mom, dad, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, grandma and some strange kid no one could account for. As we finished the 'this wont all fit on my plate at once' meal, grandma let out a belch the neighbors probably heard. Her eyes wide, unblinking, stared straight ahead knowing everyone was looking right at her. Her hand went up and flipped her blue hair out of her face and with grandeur and grace politely said, "when I grew up on the East Coast, one always belched after a meal to show they thought it was delicious".

Well, I thought to myself, two can play this game. In my chair at the dinner table with mom, dad, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, grandma and some strange kid no one could account for, I raised my left butt cheek off the chair and let out a roar the neighbors probably heard. I looked grandma straight in the eyes and exclaimed, "Grandma, thats how we do it on the WEST Coast!"

View on black or I'm moving in next door.


Thursday, September 27, 2012

I Want To Rock N Roll All Night

I saw this group the other night. They were SOOO good. They come out on stage all dressed up as characters and spit blood and flames! Then they sang songs like Detroit Rock City, Beth and God of Thunder! It was AWESOME!

I just don't remember Gene Simmons being so hairy before.

View on black or I'll come over and spit phlem and fart flames (it's the geriatric version of the group)

Bokeh Thursday: Music

Pumpkin Play At The Mad Hatters

Everytime I passed by these guys I could here them making fun of me. Things like, "Your brain is so small that if you put it on the edge of a razor blade it would look like a pea rolling down a four lane highway!" and "You have more wrinkles then my cousin Craisins!"

Finally, at the end of the night as I was getting ready to leave, I stopped in a cafe and got myself a drink then I passed by them one more time. From behind me I could hear the quite chuckles of the pumpkin clowns followed by, "check it out, he's got asphalt burn on his butt from just walking down the street!" I turned around, raised my cup at them and yelled, "YOUR MAMA!"

They stared at me blankly, then yelled, "is that all you got, Your Mama?, thats the most pathetic come back ever."

"No no, I said, it's not a come back. It's YOUR MAMA. I raised my drink one more time, It's Hot Pumpkin Cider and she's delicious.

Pumpkin seeds hit the ground.

View on black or pumpkin seeds will hit the fan!

Our Daily Challenge: Play

Pumpkin Play At The Mad Hatters

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

The Trick To Tractor Tipping

Don't do it when little ole ladies are sitting inside of them.

In an attempt to scare this tractor into tipping, I snuck up behind it, yelled Booga Booga and out jumped two little ole ladies screaming. One of them said a bad word, the other one chased me down the street beating me with her purse. Apparently she has about 80 pounds of medication she has to carry with her.

View on black or get beat down by a purse full of horse pills

112 Pictures in 2012: Begins with T

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

I Just Wanted A Drink

I Just Wanted A Drink by hbmike2000
I Just Wanted A Drink, a photo by hbmike2000 on Flickr.

I asked my ole Pal Tow Mater for something to drink and this is what he brought me. Motor Oil. I told him I couldn't drink this and he says to me, 'Be a Car, drink up you big whiney baby!' So I chucked the Motor Oil at him, missed, it spilled in front of him, he drove through it, his tires flew out from under him and he landed on his big rusted bumper. The whole town or Radiator Springs started busting up laughing including myself. He was so mad. He backed up to me, hooked me with his tow line and flung me to the top of Cadillac Range where I still am now.

I saw a passerby down below so I chucked my camera at him, hit him in the head and told him to upload my photo to Flickr for me.

View on black or I'll chuck something at you

112 pictures in 2012: Ugly

Monday, September 24, 2012

Too Much Pumpkin Ale

Too Much Pumpkin Ale by hbmike2000
Too Much Pumpkin Ale, a photo by hbmike2000 on Flickr.

Drunky McPumpkin knew he had drank too much Pumpkin Ale when he skipped right passed the little pink elephants and went straight for the tiny Witch trying to poke his good eye out.

View on black or I will throw Drunky McPumpkin Pie at you. Thats right, I went there!

Our Daily Challenge: Whimsical

Sunday, September 23, 2012

The Good, The Bad And The Stank Face

The Good: Gas at 63 cents

The Bad: I fainted when I saw it.

The Stank Face: That's what I made when I was awaken by the gas attendant and found out everybody within a 20 mile radius heard me exclaim 'GAS at 63 cents?' just before I fainted and now there was no gas left.

View on Black or I'll steal your gas so I can drive across the street to Ramone's Body Art.


Saturday, September 22, 2012

Ethyl's Gas

Ethyl's Gas by hbmike2000
Ethyl's Gas, a photo by hbmike2000 on Flickr.

I drove up in my old Push N Go car, stopped, beeped my horn and yelled out the window, Where's the gas? The attendant yelled back that the pump I was in front of was gas. I explained I was in front of ETHYL and that I needed Gas. He explained that the tank in front of me that said Ethyl was full of gas. I left. Nobody wants to smell Ethyl's gas.

View on black. TOOT! (Thats all I have to say to that)


Friday, September 21, 2012

I Swear Red Car Trolley 623 Is Stalking Me

Everytime I go To Disney California Adventure, the Red Car Trolley chases me up and down the street. I think it has a crush on me.

View on black or get crushed by the trolley


Thursday, September 20, 2012


These Are A Few Of My Favorite ThingsBeauty Can Be A BeastWhile I'm Down HereThe Rare White Bark ButterflyHubert Pumpkinhead Has Eggsalad For LunchThe Fly N Buy Racer
Disney's Halloween TimeDang Near FaintedA Brief History Of TimePardon Me, Do You Know Where Route 66 Is?By The Line Of The Trees I Swear There's A BearI Think The Tower Of Terror Is Stalking Me
TorquevilleNorman Bates!  You Get Out Of The Cozy Cone Motel Right Now!Driving Along In My AutomobileHow To Clean A RoomRadiator Springs CuriosBurt!  Stop Staring At Mary Poppins And Look Over Here!
Tractor Xing At Mater's JunkyardI Swear Mater's Jukebox Threw A Nut At MeThe Saddest Photo In The Whole WorldRollingstopB. Lightyear:  Manly Man Of The UniverseNo Backfiring

DISNEYLAND resort, a set on Flickr.

Beauty Can Be A Beast

Beauty Can Be A Beast by hbmike2000
Beauty Can Be A Beast, a photo by hbmike2000 on Flickr.

All I wanted was a photo of the Carthay Circle Fountain on Buena Vista Street. As I knelt down to get a nice low angle, I raised my camera and noticed a red rose blocking my view. Easy fix. I reached out and plucked a petal off the flower.

As I plucked the second petal off the view blocking rose, a book hit me in the back of the head. I rose to my feet and turned around to find some women wearing a big yellow ballroom dress standing on the balcony of the Carthay Theater yelling at me, DON'T YOU TOUCH THAT ROSE!!! DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH THAT ROSE!!! So, I did what any 40 something year old male would do, I reached out with my finger and touched the rose. Before I could duck, another book came flying down and hit me in the head.

Lady! I yelled back, if you throw another boo ... I never even saw it coming, Websters Dictionary knocked me flat on the ground.

This meant war!

I stared up at her, she glared down at me and brushed her disheveled hair out of her face. I reached my hand out to the rose, she leaned further over the rail of the balcony as our eyes locked together waiting for the first move.

As my fingers pinched down on the rose petal, she hopped the balcony rail in a swift bound and landed two stories below in a Ninja stance. It was on!

I began plucking like mad, rose petals flying all around me like a ticker tape parade as she raced towards me at break neck speed. As I reached for the last petal, I looked up. All I saw was yellow dress, messy hair and what I think were stolen Glass Slippers flying at me through the air.

I don't remember anything after that really. I awoke in the Disney Hospital with a chart at the end of my bed that just said, 'Beat up by a Princess'.

View on black or I'll throw the book at you!

Bokeh Thursday: Water

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

While I'm Down Here

While I'm Down Here by hbmike2000
While I'm Down Here, a photo by hbmike2000 on Flickr.

I try to find something good out of the bad. Whether it's a situation, mood or one of the cats missed the catbox by two rooms, there is something good to be found. You just have to find it.

So, when this little girl beat me up and knocked me to the ground for NO reason WHAT so ever (I may or may not have pulled her pony tail. There were no witnesses) I noticed a cool shot of the Red Car Trolley 623 that I never would have noticed before.

So I took the shot, stood up, brushed the dirt off my shirt, thanked the little girl for opening my eyes to a shot I never would have seen then chucked her shoes over the fence of Disney California Adventure.

The Disney Police probably would not have been so upset with me had she not been wearing them when I did it.

View on black or I'll chuck your shoes over the wall with you in them too.

112 Pictures in 2012: On The Ground or Floor

(fun fact: This Red Car Trolley is modeled after the 600 series used in southern California in the early 20th Century. The number 623 represents when Walt Disney came to California, June 1923)

The Rare White Bark Butterfly

Was so focused on the shot, I never noticed I captured the rare White Bark Butterfly in my photo until I started processing it. Once thought extinct, they can still be found on trees with white bark only.

I wish I could of taken more time to study it but the old lady I 'accidentally' bumped to the ground wanted her wheelchair back so I had to go find some other place to sit.

View on black or I'll run you over in my borrowed wheelchair.

Our Daily Challenge: White ( it was either the tree or me naked. Your welcome)

Monday, September 17, 2012

Hubert Pumpkinhead Has Eggsalad For Lunch

And there is nothing worse than eggsalad farts. Just ask Hubert as he sits alone in the corner.

View on black or I'll visit you after lunch

Sunday, September 16, 2012

The Fly N Buy Racer

The Fly N Buy Racer by hbmike2000
The Fly N Buy Racer, a photo by hbmike2000 on Flickr.

The sun streamed through the windows at the top of the old wherehouse and fell upon a sight to behold. A jewel found discarded in the Mojave Desert sitting majestically on a rack above my head. I tried to gaze upon it but I'm old and my glasses were dirty. I spotted some boxes below and began to climb. I heard rumors it was a discarded jet tank turned into a racer. I had to see for myself.

I climbed for hours and when I came to the top of the five foot mountain of boxes my gaze ran across it's beauty.

As I ran my hand over the metal surface a voice from my foot shouted up at me, Sir! Get OFF the merchandise or I'll have you escorted out!

Panicked and not wanting to meet the Disney Police again, I looked around for a quick exit but all I saw was the drivers seat of this wonderful Rocket Car. I hopped in and madly searched for the starter. Nothing. Tried hot wiring it. Got shocked but no movement. I rocked back and forth hoping to get momentum to atleast roll down a hill. The Racer moved slightly. I rocked harder and it began to roll.

Forward I went!

After half a foot the car went off the edge of the rack and dropped to the floor, nose first with an echoey metallic clunk. I flew out of the seat and hit the ground, nose first with an echoey 'ooof' sound.

I lay there with my face in the ground and I could feel the presence of the Disney Police around me. I heard the voice from my foot again, "I think he's handicap." With my face still pressed into the ground I replied, "I'mf ovf pewficky found minf, fank fou fervy muff"

And that would be the part where the Disney Police tossed me over the fence and onto a bus headed for Utah.

View on black or I'll run you over with the Rocket Car! (if you could just please stand still at the bottom of the hill, it would be much appreciated)


Saturday, September 15, 2012

Disney's Halloween Time

Disney's Halloween Time by hbmike2000
Disney's Halloween Time, a photo by hbmike2000 on Flickr.

It's SO much fun! You walk in and Mickey Mouse is dressed as a Barber from London in the 1800's and he chops you up into little bitty pieces than Helena Bonham Carter comes out and cooks you into Meat Pies!

Huh? Thats Sweeney Todd?

My bad.

It's MINNIE MOUSE who comes out and cooks you into Meat Pies.

View on black. You DO look like you need a hair cut.

Our Daily Challenge: Postcard Perfect

Dang Near Fainted

Dang Near Fainted by hbmike2000
Dang Near Fainted, a photo by hbmike2000 on Flickr.

I was having a lovely lunch at Flo's V8 Diner in Radiator Springs on a warm day out on the patio facing Cross Street when this beat up old Tow Truck named Mater drove by. As I was stuffing my face with BBQ pork he drove by a few feet away yakkin about how he just stopped and got full up of gas. He then let out a thunderous roar from his tailpipe, giggled and said 'pardon me'.

With a mouth full of food I burst out laughing. When I looked up, I saw two things ...

1. This sign directly across from where I was eating

2. My other half with my food plastered on them.

I did the only polite thing I could think of. I asked for my food back please. Which, by the way, caused me to burst out laughing once again but then I got the 'Angry Eyes' so I only giggled softly after that.

View on black or I'll fill up Mater with gas and have him drive by you at lunch time


PS. I swear it's the truth, Mater drove by us at lunch and farted.

and check out Cadillac Range in the background. There are six peaks and they are all the back ends of Cadillacs from 1957 to 1962

Friday, September 14, 2012

A Brief History Of Time

A Brief History Of Time by hbmike2000
A Brief History Of Time, a photo by hbmike2000 on Flickr.

That describes a photograph to me. A brief history in time.

A photo doesn't show you everything. Pieces are missing. You see a father having the time of his life play steering a car. You don't see the young boy next to him obscured by a piece of fiberglass taller than he is incharge of the gas pedal. You don't feel the exitement of the people in the car I am in as we speed down the track neck and neck in a race to the finish. You don't here the mom in the back hollering to her son to 'step on the gas' as we inch closer and closer to taking the lead. And you didn't get to see the smile on the face of the son as he got off the ride, jumping up and down yelling 'We Won Dad, We Won!'

For you, you see only what I captured with the camera. For me, when I see this photo, I will always see what I described to you above. I do with every photo I have ever taken, the good ones and the bad ones. I remember all the stuff surrounding the one moment I captured.

This is why I take photos. It's my drive you might say.

View on black or I'll snap an embarassing moment of you and post it on Flickr (and you thought you were gonna get through a whole post with no snide remarks from me. Phooey)

Our Daily Challenge: Roll

Pardon Me, Do You Know Where Route 66 Is?

My heart raced faster and sweat began to soak me. I stood there in the hot sun, petrified. My destination ahead of me only a few yards away.

I took a step forward.

I could feel the cold terror of panick begininng to take over. A few more steps and I would be closer still. Breathing began to get difficult.

I took a step forward.

My feet felt made of led and the world began to spin madly around me as I approached the door.

I took a step forward.

I was in the door. Standing, staring at my feet, I was afraid to look up hoping no one would notice me, then I would run back to my car across the lot and pretend none of this ever happened. But it did. A voice came out of the darkness, Can I help you?

Then, in a loud non stop babbling voice I replied ...


View on black or I'll make you ask for directions


Wednesday, September 12, 2012

By The Line Of The Trees I Swear There's A Bear

I swear this was not my fault this time. I was minding my own business, snapping photos when this Father pointed to the sky and said to his kids, Look, a Giant, bare!

Of course I had to save everybody. Nobody wants to be stepped on by a naked Giant! Am I right? So I evacuated the Park during peak hours. How was I to know he meant Bear.

The Disney Police were NOT happy with me to say the least. For punishment, they made me ride It's A Small World for three hours straight.

View on Black or I'll sing It's A Small World to you for three hours straight

Our Daily Challenge: Straight (by the way, the trees straight, the bears gay. I asked)

I Think The Tower Of Terror Is Stalking Me

I couple of weeks ago I took a photo of an old Diamond D truck at Disney California Adventure. While processing it, I noticed a reflection in the windshield. I wasn't sure what the reflection was of so on my next trip back I returned to the scene of the crime to investigate. I walked up to the Diamond D truck and raised my camera and aimed the lens at the windshield. There it was in full view, The Tower Of Terror.

I ran over to a window on an adjacent building and raised my camera once again. There it was again, in the window, The Tower Of Terror! Panicking, I ran to the building next door. I found another window directly across from the Big Scary Building and raised my camera. Once more, looming above me, The Tower Of Terror. I was being stalked.

I did what any rational person would of done, Threw my hands in the air, screamed and ran down the street. Halfway down my escape road, I saw a restroom and ran screaming into it, did my thing, ran screaming out and back onto the street and finished my mad dash out the park.

And thats how I learned, that restrooms have great accoustics.

View on black or the Tower Of Terror will Stalk YOU!

112 Pictures in 2012: Window

Sunday, September 9, 2012


Torqueville by hbmike2000
Torqueville, a photo by hbmike2000 on Flickr.

Way back when I worked on a farm in Minnesota. There was an old B Tractor we had to use and I wanted to learn how to drive it so my friend sat me in it and instructed me how.

You do this, this and this he says to me. Sounds easy enough I thought. So I started the big green and yellow beast and did this, that and this. The enginge revved as I gave it gas but went nowhere. I gave it more gas and the engine got louder but I stll was not moving, I looked down at my friend yelling over the commotion, You FORGOT To Put It In Gear he yells at me. So I popped it in gear ... with my foot still on the gas. The front wheels came off the ground about six feet as I tore off down the field.

It wasn't until the third time I did a wheely in the tractor that the farmer drove out in his beat up truck to ask me not to drive anymore.

View on black or I'll drive that old B Tractor through your yard


Saturday, September 8, 2012

Norman Bates! You Get Out Of The Cozy Cone Motel Right Now!

I stopped by the Cozy Cone Motel down in Radiator Springs and noticed it looking a little sinister. While checking in I found out Norman Bates was staying for the weekend. I was having none of that. I marched right over to his room and kicked his mama boys rear right out of there. Now it's gonna take a week to get the sinister out of this place.

View on black or the sinister will follow you home


Friday, September 7, 2012

Driving Along In My Automobile

I love driving through the California desert. The vast openness surrounded by mountains off in the far distance. The unique plant and animal life. The miles and miles of barbed wire fence along the highway.

Huh? Why would there be barbed wire fence along the highway? Of course I had to find out.

I skidded my car to a stop on the side of a lonely stretch of road. Hopped out, climbed the barbed wire fence, ripped my pants, fell on the other side, got up and some desert squirrel showed up out of nowhere and slapped me then disappeared. I decided to try further down the road.

I am came to another lonely stretch of road, skidded to a stop, climbed the barbed wire fence, ripped my shirt, fell on a cactus on the otherside, got up and a roadrunner showed up out of nowhere and slapped the crud out of me then disappeared. I decided to try something different.

I drove further down the lonely stretch of road, skidded to a stop, hopped out, chucked my friend over the barbed wire fence and waited. Nothing. I decided it was safe. So I climbed the barbed wire fence, snagged my shoe, fell and there I was hanging upside down by my shoe, next to my friend when a coyote popped out of nowhere and slapped the poo out of me and disappeared.

So apparently California has spent millions of dollars to put up barbed wire fence along the highways to keep the wild life from slapping me silly.

View on black or I'll send the california desert wildlife to your door to slap you