I have a super secret classified job working at Area 51A that I'm not allowed to tell anybody about. One of the things I love about my job is every morning as I roll up to the gates that guard the fence that surrounds the wall in front of the moat, these cute little guys all line up along the side of the road for miles and miles and do the wave as I drive by.
View on black or I'll send the MEAN aliens to your house
Our Daily Challenge: Three
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Area 51A
Monday, January 30, 2012
I Hate To Complain, But ..
Dear Disneyland Merchant,
I hate to complain, but on a recent visit to Disneyland I entered your Disneyana Store on Main Street USA. From across the room I spotted this really cool shiny Disneyland Railroad Mug on the shelf. I collided with a kid, stepped on two people and knocked an old lady down (all by accident of course) to get it before anyone else. Once I had it, I noticed an angry mob all staring at me. With quick reflexes, I was able to dump a disabled person out of there wheel chair and roll out the door at lightning speed. Did I pay for it you ask? That doesn't really matter. What matters is, I didn't really have a good chance to inspect the mug till I got home and filled it with some delicious coffee. Imagine my surprise when I sat down to enjoy my morning coffee in my shiny new Disneyland Railroad Mug and found that you all put the handle on the wrong side of it! I would like a refund please.
Dear Disney Police,
This whole story is fabricated (except maybe the part about the wheel chair). Please do not arrest me again the next time I show up at the Park.
View on black or I'll tell the Disney Police YOU did it
Our Daily Challenge: Shine
Be Very Very Quiet, I'm Hunting Coffee
It is so hard to get a good cup these days. I virtually have to sneak up on them and wrestle them to the ground. This one looks great. Nice big shiny mug from Disneyland. It's taunting me.
Me Again Monday: Ethereal
HMM
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Battle Of The Disney Park Starz
So it wasn't really a battle. Constance, the Haunted Mansion Bride, showed up with her ax and the rest ran for the Toontown Hills. Except Big Al. He was strumming his guitar and ironically singing She'll Be Coming Around The Mountain. Poor Big Al
View on Black or Constance will be banging on your door with her Ax and hollering Heeeeeeeere's Johnny!
Our Daily Challenge: Begins With P
Give A Hoot, Don't Pollute
Disneyland is infamous for the wonderful smells it pumps into the air. Lately though, it's been another kind of smell and it's not too favorable. In and around Fantasyland, it's been kind of smelling like a sewer. Just small pocket areas though and it seems to move around. One day it was over by It's A Small World, another day by Alice In Wonderland. I've seen workers around those area and it looks like they are on the hunt to stop the smells, I just don't think they figured out where it is coming from. WELL, Dear Disney Smell Police, I found your problem. I was over by Sleeping Beauty's Castle when the offending odor struck. After a quick glance at my spouse who with just their eyes said, say it and I'll punch you, I noticed a little owl sitting on the fence. Little owl, I said, did you just toot? I got my answer when his eyes searched the ground around his feet. Now you tell me thats not a guilty look if ever you saw one.
View on black or I'll send Mr. Toots to roost in your attic
HSS!
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Out Of All The Witches In The World, Mine Is Blonde
I heard a slight rasping at my door the other morning so I got up to see what it was. I opened the door to what at first could only be a rather large prune. As the rather large prune spoke to me, I realized it was the old hag witch from down the street who lived at the Half Way House For Old Hag Witches. What do you want Old Hag Witch I said. She giggled and spun her blonde hair from a wig around her finger. I was wondering, her eyes like white raisins looked down to her feet, if per chance you would like to buy some Girl Scout Cookies from me, she replied. I stared at her for a moment, stunned. Are you kidding me, I said. You haven't been in the Girls Scouts for atleast three thousand years! Her little white raisins of eyes darted back up to me. What the ... she said. I damn you to a life of misery eating flies you toad! She cackled and raised a wrinkled finger with emaculate nails at me. As I was wondering where she got her nails done at, I heard a loud pop and some crackling and then a slight fizzy sound. My cheeks puffed out and I let out a loud croak, What the heck, I look I have the mumps! Oh dear, she said, kicking a pretend rock with her shoe, why can't I ever get that spell right. She giggled like a shy four year old girl, flipped her blonde hair from a wig off her shoulder and said, sorry, see you later, ok, bye bye.
View on Black or I'll give the Blonde Old Hag Witch your address so she can practice her witch craft on you
Our Daily Challenge: Craft
How To Stop A Child From Crying
While trying to rest at a bench from a long visit at Disneyland, my peace was disturbed by a Mom and her crying 1 year old in a stroller. Don't get me wrong, the Mom was great. She tried everything to get the baby to quiet down but to no avail. Finally I leaned over and said, may I try. The desperate mother nodded her head, By all means she said, go ahead. I squatted down to the baby lying in the stroller, crying non stop. Hey little one I said, it's eyes looked up at me, the crying momentarily stopped, see that mountain over there with all that netting on it? The baby's eye strayed from mine and looked over at the big mountain. Well I said, those are spider webs from giant spiders. The baby's eyes jerked back to me and got wide. I continued now that I had it's attention, Notice you don't see any spiders up there? The baby's eyes got even bigger. Thats becuase they are all down here hiding, waiting to jump out at us. With that, the infants eyes grew to the size of it's head. It gave out a high pitched scream, jumped right out of it's diaper and ran down Main Street USA heading towards the Exit to Disneyland. I looked up to the mother who was staring at me slack jawed, Well looky there I said, a bonus. Your baby stopped crying and I seemed to have taught it to walk TOO.
View on Black or I will send the giant spiders to your house
Our Daily Challenge: NET
There Will Be No Stopping Here Please
On February 29th, Disneyland will be open for 24 hours. Yep, You heard me, they will open at 6 am on February 29th and will close on March 1st at 6 am. With that said, THIS IS MY BENCH! NOBODY SIT ON IT PLEASE! Don't stop. Don't even look at it, just keep moving. I am going to be one tired puppy at the end of the day.
View on black and maybe, JUST maybe, I will let you sit next to me.
Our Daily Challenge: Stop
Friday, January 27, 2012
The Grand Circle Of Disneyland
I've been wanting to go on a Train ride for sometime now so imagine my surprise when I discovered this Train Station at Disneyland.
It took me THREE hours to figure out I was just going in a big circle and was seeing the same scenes over and over and over again.
View on black. I have no qualms about Hijacking a Steam Engine and driving it through your living room.
Our Daily Challenge: Repetition
The First And Last Stop
The Emporium is the flagship shop for Disneyland. Last time I was in there a Cast Memeber walked up to me and asked how I was doing. I told her I was lost. She politely offered to help me find the party I was with. I replied with, Hell NO! Do you know how long it took me to lose them!
View on black or I'll throw a souvenir at you ... a CHEAP one too!
Our Daily Challenge: Rooftops
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
A Time To Sit
The Disney Gallery has the All Aboard train exibit going on. I do not suggest sneeking up behind the cast members and yelling CHOO CHOO! They'll glare at you the whole time you are in there.
Dear Disney Police, it wasn't me. It was a small kid. He ran out the door right afterwards. I swear.
View on black. CHOO CHOO!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Sunday, January 22, 2012
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