Dear Mike, See You In Court, Best Wishes

Dear Mike, See You In Court, Best Wishes, a photo by hbmike2000 on Flickr.

Dear Mike,
Thank you for your letter and sorry for not getting back to you sooner. As you know, I recieve Millions of letters (and I have to say, usually from children) and sometimes it takes a bit to get to them all.

First of all, I would like to say regarding the cookies and milk, I could care less. You bought those at a 99 cent store two years ago and I wouldn't have touched them with a ten foot pool.

Second, it took weeks to get the fly paper off the reindeer and it took most of there hair with it. As far as little Timmy, he didn't hide his candy from you. YOU already stole it and he had none left.

Thirdly, WHO in there right MIND would stoke a fire with GASOLINE! Fortunatlely, I didn't get hurt, UNFORTUNATELY, little Timmy next door is traumatized for life!!! How would you feel if you got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and found a fat, naked, hairless man yelling HO HO HO standing in your living room.

In closing, I filed a restraining order against you and the best I can do for you this year is to tie some underwear to a rock, chuck it through your window and hope it hits you in the head. And if you even come close to me or the reindeer, I WILL see you in court and sue the underwear I just gave you right off your old wrinkly butt!

Best Wishes,
Santa

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